I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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