She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
