My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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