My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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