you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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