that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
