Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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