Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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