I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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