He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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