Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
