bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
