I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
