i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
