im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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