What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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