I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
