is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
