Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
