I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They took my balls.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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