If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
