Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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