I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
