haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
