I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Houston, we have a blender
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
