i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come on in and take your pants off
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