On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
