I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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