i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
