White coat. Heels.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
