the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
