I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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