Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
