He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
