so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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