woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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