so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
