mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
