some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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