The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
