he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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