rhymes with "ouble enetration"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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