I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
