I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
