I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
