Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
