I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
