I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
