This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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