What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
