SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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