Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
