wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
