I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
