She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
