Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
