Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
