i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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