She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
